I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
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