what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
