I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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