i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize