She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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