i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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