508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
