If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
