I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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