Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
