Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
