It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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