apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
