So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
