I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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