I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
