a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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