Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
