just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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