His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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