do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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