apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
