dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
