They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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