I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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