clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
