I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
