She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
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