you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
