people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
