There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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