I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
