May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
We have so much sex to catch up on
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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