Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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