Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
