Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
