And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize