me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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