the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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