trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
