I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
