Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
