Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
