OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
