Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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