are you still at the devil's house?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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