you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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