I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
