Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I love having hate sex.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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