yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
