i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
