Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
