Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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