I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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