I CAN MOONWALK!
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
