i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
