so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
