First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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