So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
