I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
