Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I fill condoms, not promises.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
