you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
