Just cropdusted the office
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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