I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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